
I have so much to be thankful for. My beautiful wife. A baby on the way. Amazing friends. A family that loves me. The fact that I enjoy my job.
But I'm going through a season when life feels more difficult than I think it should feel. The struggles in my head seem bigger right now for some reason. I keep blaming it on the fact that I'm currently writing about my childhood, which means I'm opening old wounds that I believed had healed long ago. But now, I'm realizing they haven't as much as once thought.
And indeed, that could be it.
...
I feel small at the moment, perhaps a little meaningless. Maybe I'm getting a small taste of what King Solomon felt when he wrote Ecclesiastes. I relate some to his story: Depression. Confusion. The questions. Doubt. Addiction. The stuff in between.
Perhaps feeling small is a blessing in disguise. Maybe I'm getting ready to learn something or maybe I'll just eventually open my eyes to a new grace that I hadn't experienced before.
Or maybe I'm just in a one of those moods where I can't seem to get out of my own head long enough to see the all of the joy that comes from that list of blessings in the first paragraph.
For now, I'm trying to take the advice of a friend. "Relax, Matthew, relax," he said.
"And trust."