god's pottery

You might have seen these guys on Last Comic Standing. Their name is an obvious reference to either God's Property or Jars of Clay... what are your thoughts?

into the wild

Please see this movie. I was so moved by the story.

pop-cultural ditties you should know about!

Anybody remember Christian pop singer Sarah Sadler? Her self-titled debut released in 2003 on Essential Records. (If I remember correctly, I think she also landed a song on a movie soundtrack or two--maybe Daredevil? Yeah, awful movie, I know.) But anyway, Sarah is back with a new album called Where It Started.

The only place you can get her new set is at CDBaby.com. Click here to listen to song samples!


I saw this item on The Today Show. Some dude had sex with his wife for 101 days in a row and then wrote a book about it. How's that for research? If you'd like to find out more about Just Do It, click here...

All I know is that, after 101 days of sex, there is no way a bedspread would look that white. Yep, I said it.

And you know it's true.



Those who have seen The Dark Knight are saying that Heath Ledger's performance of The Joker is brilliant. I can't wait to see this movie! But it's also a little bittersweet when I realize it will be the last time I get the pleasure of seeing Heath Ledger on the big screen.


The following has nothing to do with pop culture--I just thought it was cute. This is a video of my pastor's middle child Gage showing us his dance moves. He even gets his daddy to break out into what he calls the "Bow Chica Wow Wow."


Gage does the "Bow Chica Wow Wow" dance. from Pete Wilson on Vimeo.

So cute.

a picture of my son!

No, he hasn't been born yet! :-)

Unexpectedly, Jessica and I had to visit Nashville's Women's Imaging Center this morning. On her blog, she explains why...

We have been monitoring my blood pressure regularly because my swelling is a sign of pregnancy induced hypertension. Well, last night my bp was a little higher than it should be, so this morning I had to go in for a bunch of tests. Nothing too alarming, but I do have to be under a close watch in the days ahead. One of the tests I had to have was to go have an ultrasound done to make sure all of Elias' vitals were good, blood flow was good, etc. Everything was great! He was moving a lot, I have a lot of amniotic fluid, blood flow to the placenta and cord was good, etc. They estimate his weight to be about 7 lbs. 7 oz right now - give or take a pound. I was most excited to get to see him again and get some new pictures. He wouldn't move his arm from his face, so below is the best one we got of his little face. In another image, we could also see that his little head has hair on it. He is one cute baby. Can't wait to kiss those chipmunk cheeks!

Anyway, here's the ultrasound picture. Crazy what they can do now, huh? Unbelievable. That's my boy!

flower power!

I bought some potted plants for the deck of my condo this summer, a few cheap ones. But every morning, when I go out to give them water, they make me smile. They're alive.

And remind me to be that way too.

churched (an update!)

Howdy! (I have no idea why I just wrote howdy, but you know what I mean. I guess you do.)

OK, so here's a little update on the happenings surrounding churched: one kid's journey toward god despite a holy mess.

You might know this, but the official release date for churched is October 7! So mark your calendars! I'm gonna need your help getting the word out! Of course, only if you're willing or desire to get the word out. Some of you secretly hate me, I know. And honestly, I'm cool with that! (OK, my editor at WaterBrook says I use way too many exclamation points!!!! So I'm going to try and write the rest of this post without them. I'm not sure I can do it. I sort of wanted to put one at the end of that last sentence.) While I don't endorse the concept of hate as an idea, I don't mind my blog readers feeling a little toward me once in a while. We're cool. Promise.

OK, back to the update. (This post is going to need pictures to make it worth reading.) So I'm currently reading through the last and final edit of churched. This is an easy edit, one that I read out loud. I'm not looking to change much, just looking for any awkward phrasings or typos.

But as I read through this final edit, I can't tell you how excited I am for you to be able to read it. Am I allowed to say that I'm proud of this book? Because I am. Not in a haughty way, at least I hope it's not in a haughty way. It just feels right, if that makes sense. Now, that's not to say I haven't been proud of my other books. I have. But this one's different for some reason. As I've eluded here before, churched took so much out of me (Ask my wife--it took a lot out of her too, as well as a couple of my friends...) I guess in some ways this book feels like it's a part of me. Again, I know that sounds stupid, but in many ways that feels true. I put a great deal of emotion into this book, and I'm praying that people "see" that.

So, as I'm working on the last edit of churched, the "pseudo-edited version" is being read by people who are considering writing an endorsement for it. I've actually received three endorsements already. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you who they are just yet. But when I get the "OK" from my publisher, I'll be sure to let you know. (Almost put a big ole exclamation point right there.) But so far, everybody who's read it seems to like it/love it. One of the endorsers told me today that the book is "making him think/rethink how he should teach his kids about faith and God..." While this book is my story, many of those who have read it say they can see their own story in churched. That's always a huge compliment.

I believe in the next couple days a bunch of media will be receiving it. And the crazy thing is, we're sending it to all of the major media for review/profile consideration. Some of the media outlets I know are LONG shots, but WaterBrook/Random House believes it has a shot at getting some decent coverage. I guess only time will tell.

And too, retail is responding to the book, which is a huge relief. And the cool thing is, both Christian and mainstream stores seem to be excited about it.

Also, if you live in Nashville, put October 14 down on your calendars. On that date I'll be doing a book signing at Davis-Kidd. It starts at 7:00 with a 20-minute reading and then I'll be signing for however long it takes. SO EXCITED. (So very tempted.) Even before I was a writer, Davis-Kidd was one of my favorite bookstores in the world.

OK, I feel like this post sounds really self-serving, so I should stop. Forgive me if it comes across that way. I'm just excited about this book, that's all...

As the release date gets closer, I'll keep you posted as to what happens and how (if you want to) can help spread the word...

Got any ideas? Pass them on.

Peace, MPT


PS: Oh, and if you're a Relevant Magazine subscriber, make sure you look for the Hokey Pokey ad in the current edition! (Yeah, I failed. Oh well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

watch the whole thing

true wireless?

james dobson poo-poos on obama

Most of you have probably heard this, and it was bound to happen, but Dobson doesn't like Obama.

Anybody shocked by this information?

joy, emotions, and me rambling...

Several people at my church (including a couple of my church's pastors) have become huge fans of Henri Nouwen's writings. And I can certainly see why. Here are a couple of his quotes that I think are pretty inspiring, ones that have sort of pushed me out of my current comfort zone lately. I thought I'd share...

(My thoughts in red/Henri Nouwen's quote in black.)

First quotation...

"Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood swings: from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos."

I relate to those words so much right now. With Elias on the way, my heart is filled joy and excitement and some fear. Other happenings in my life right now have caused me to feel a good deal of anxiety and sadness... balancing those two realities has been exhausting and emotionally draining.

"A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us."

For me, it's both. While some of the craziness of life just happens and I have no control over it, I am also quite aware that I create drama. Ever since I was little, I've been the kind of person who feels everything. Very little in life just hits me on the surface, most of it buries itself in my heart and soul and becomes a part of who I am in some ways. I'll be honest, I don't love easily, but when I do, it is deep and passionate and can be messy sometimes. Hence, the drama...

"Thus it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children.

Isn't this a fantastic thought? And sometimes I believe it's true, that I am fully loved by God no matter what my emotions are doing in the moment. But too often, I can't "feel" it, and it's so easy for me to allow that reality speak with more volume in my life than the truth that God loves me. I'm too often a contradiction.

Second quotation...

"Joy is what makes life worth living, but for many joy seems hard to find. They complain that their lives are sorrowful and depressing. What then brings the joy we so much desire? Are some people just lucky, while others have run out of luck? Strange as it may sound, we can choose joy."

Can we choose joy? And if so, what does that look like? That's what I want to know. Is it as easy as simply waking up in the morning and saying to yourself and to God, "I choose to be joyful today." I guess that's what the Apostle Paul believed; didn't he suggest that he was filled will joy in whatever state he was in? Personally, I believe that I have for too long believed that joy is merely an emotion (like happiness), but it can't simply be that. And when I was a kid, I was taught that JOY had a formula: Jesus first, others second, and yourself last. But really, can it be that simple? Really? And if so, how do you know when those things are in order. I can't SEE Jesus, putting others in front of yourself can sometimes backfire and hurt like hell, and keeping yourself last seems impossible at times. So I confess, joy eludes me much of the time. Oh, I'm happy some of the time, but I'm far too often not joyful.

"Two people can be part of the same event, but one may choose to live it quite differently than the other. One may choose to trust that what happened, painful as it may be, holds a promise. The other may choose despair and be destroyed by it. What makes us human is precisely this freedom of choice."

Choosing to believe and hope regardless of my circumstances is what I truly desire. I'm not fully there yet, and I don't even know what being "fully there" means at the moment... but today, in this moment, I choose to be on the path, to believe that hope exists and that by believing in that joy will come (maybe in the morning).

Forgive me if this post rambles... peace to you this day...

our baby's room....

My wife gets all of the credit. I just helped.

actual comments/emails re: my billboard post

Three of my readers are mad at me about yesterday's post.

One of my readers wrote this to me, "Mr. Turner, I got saved because of a church's billboard!"

And a woman wrote this to me, "Don't you have anything better to do than to sit around and make unfunny "humor" about the way a church advertises? Aren't you the least bit concerned that people are dying and going to Hell and you're busy busting on the very billboards that could help them find their way toward Heaven?"

And then this morning I read this comment: "Are you a proclaimed Christian.. CAN'T tell from your blog..."

I haven't responded yet. But I did ask Jesus to come into my blog this morning, so hopefully that will help.

keywords?

Hello blog friend.

So do you use Google Analytics to keep track of your blog's visitor statistics? Well, if you do (or perhaps you use another blog stat program) then perhaps you're familiar with the "keyword" listing. Just in case you're not, the keyword list lets you know what words or series of words people Google to find your site.

Well, my blogger friend Dave Carrol has gotten me checking often to see what words people search to find my bloggy. Some of the "searches" are a little funny or odd. I thought I'd list a few of them for you...

"I regret having sex" (Wait a minute, you mean to tell me there was an unmarried non-virgin looking around on my site?)

"African masturbation" (Do they do it differently over there?)

"boobs in the Bible" (I think they were called pomegranates or pineapples or something big and fruit-like)

"death of author" (OK, so hopefully whoever searched this wasn't looking for a 'how to')

"does Donald Miller smoke?" (This search cracks me up. For the record, I don't think he does. But who really cares?)

"is mastur baiting a sin" (Yes, there was a space in 'masturbating.' Gosh, a lot of my readers are interested in masturbation. Haha.)

"my thong" (Hmm. Lose something?)

church billboards rock!

Ain't this a nice billboard? I mean, that church was lucky enough to get a snapshot of the hands of God aimlessly grabbing for two floating letters. Lucky ducks. I can only assume that God must really love the letter G. I know, I know--his name begins with G. Duh. That's probably why he's grabbing for them.

And I think the pastors look like very nice people. Actually, I think she looks like Diana Ross, which might be reason enough to visit their church. If I'm ever in Ohio, Ms. Ross, I'll be sure to attend! Will you sing Umbrella for me if I do?

Ooh, and how about this little gem?


I love this one! The motto is so darn cute: don't do life alone. So welcoming. So positive. So convincing! After seeing this billboard, I wouldn't even think about doing life alone. I mean, how could I consider such a thing when, by the looks of it, I could be going to this church and doing life with the cast members of Queer As Folk!

Ch-ching.

Yay!! I'm there. Seriously, I am. I don't know where Kal-Haven is located, but I'm looking it up on Google Maps right now.

Oh wait, is that an advertisement for Tide?

Moving right along...


Trust me: This is a church billboard. I know what you're thinking though. You thought this was a billboard advertising Sinead O'connor's new album. I DID TOO!

Nope! It's a church! Look it up.

Apparently, wherever this church is located, they have a high population of twelve-year-old boys working and looking up porn during office hours.

And doesn't that kid in the picture play guitar in the David Crowder Band?

I could be wrong. But I'm pretty sure I saw that kid at Passion.

Sheesh. I'm torn. Do I go to Racers? Or should I go to Dallasburg Baptist Church? They both look a little um, run down.

I'm not really tempted to fix my eyes on the woman sucking on her pointer finger. Are you?

SIDE NOTE: OK, so I have one question: For all you old-time Christian music fans. Think back for a moment--way back! Further. Here's my question: What is Kathy Troccoli doing working at Racers?

Wow. Everything does change, huh? OK, that was bad. (As in cheesy.)



Look again. There's some arms. Hands. A chest. And a "screw head."

PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE, go to the web site and check out the entire "screw head" family. Oh yeah, a Mr. and Mrs. "Screw Head" apparently um, screwed and had babies! And truthfully, the younger "screw heads" are cuties. And obviously ornery!

Anybody up for getting unscrewed?




Well, then, maybe it should start.

(Ooh, I'm gonna get emails about this one. My mom will probably complain to me over the phone. I'm not lying. She took me off her blog roll because she didn't want my blog to lead any of the women in her Bible study astray. Not kidding. That's the truth. Heck, my pastor might even call me and give me a piece of his mind. Or maybe he'll show his dismay by NOT commenting on my blog. I don't know, maybe I should just visit UnScrewMyLife.com again. I'm going to Hell. But admit it, you laughed. Or at least grinned.)


They kill people instead.






You know that a whole bunch of fat people go to Discovery Church. This billboard is to help make them feel better.

If I were to visit Discovery Church, I would definitely arrive all sweaty, like I had just run a marathon. Or I would come all dressed up in my roller-blading garb, like immediately after church I was going to be doing some MAJOR roller blading! Yeah. Roller blading is manly. Think about it: Who roller blades anymore?

Oh, wait, is the guy in the picture throwing horse shoes? OH!!! That makes sense. Because if he is throwing horse shoes, that is nothing new, my father did that at my old church all the time.

The NEW me--a horse shoe thrower! Yes.


PLEASE NOTE: This is a different church than the other one who told us not to do life alone. But apparently all of the same people go to this church too! And I don't know why, but I think I life this church better. Yeah, I know the people look exactly alike. But I still sort of want to visit this church.

Look at the billboard--if the church is anything like the picture, it would be similar to shopping at Kohls. And I like Kohls. Not as much as Target. Or Macys. But I do like Kohls.

Actually, I'm not sure I would be allowed to go to LifePointeChurch--it looks like only cheerleaders are allowed to attend.

Give me an L!



Ugh. Nothing more lame and non-convincing than the ole "Satan quote" ad. But apparently LifeChurch.tv didn't get the memo. And furthermore, rather than knowing that their behind the times, they probably have convinced themselves that they started a trend, a trend of quoting Satan on church billboards.

All I know is I found a ton of church billboards with various Satan quotations about a bunch of churches spread out across the country.

Oh Please. Like Satan said those exact words. Or said anything at all. I wonder if Craig got that quote from Satan personally. Would have loved to have been there.

For once, I agree with um, Satan, let's boycott!!

Go ahead and read Satan's billboard message backwards and see what happens. Do it. Seriously, you should do it. It's CRAZY.

OK... fine... this is what it says...

"Vt.hcruhCefiL Ttocyob"

You're feeling guilty now, aren't you? Or are you feeling tempted? Hmm. Hard to distinguish, huh?

Hope Satan hates your church too. Happy Sunday.

nt wright on 'the colbert report'

This was a pop-cultural orgasm for me.

sometimes the truth hurts

there are no words for this...

Some of my favorite YouTuber comments...

You ready for this?

"Why would Jesus be bummed? He loves parties! I'm sure He's havin' a good chuckle over this." Or looking for a table to toss on its side.

"OMG I love this. It was even funnier if you were there :)" Yeah, I'm sure it was.

"This is really good. I love when churches embrace creativity." Me too. I really love creative churches. Don't you? You want to go do some servin' now? I'll sing for ya.

jesus rode a dino!?

fyi: nt wright will be on stephen colbert tonight!

On Comedy Central.

link love

-Shaun Groves' blog is awesome. "Watch" the first post.

-I'm not sure if she's fat or not, but Big Momma is a darn funny blogger.

-Ali Edwards is my wife's favorite scrapbooker. Yes, there are famous scrapbookers. You didn't know that, huh? Well, she's a pretty cool blogger.

-OK, this is awesome: Christian sex toys at "My Beloved's Garden Online Store" It gets better. The store's motto? We provide a safe, non-pornographic place to shop for all of your Christian sex toys and romance needs, while keeping Jesus at the center of your marriage. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! Sex toys. Jesus. Center of your marriage. What makes a sex toy Christian? Has the lubricant been blessed? The tickler holified? (Not a word, I know. It's early.) And my beloved's garden? WTF?

-My pastor did a time-lapse video of his Sunday morning routine. Pretty cool. Not quite as cool as Beatitude-themed sex toys, eh? But still cool.

That's all I got. Hope you have a good one! Peace.

a letter to my son (he's coming in july)

Dear Elias,

Your mother and I worked on your bedroom this evening. After I finished all that your mom told me to do (don't worry--she's only bossy sometimes--you'll get used to it), I sat down in the brand new rocker and looked around the room and cried.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this now: you'll probably see me cry a lot. I'm an emotional guy, Elias. Sometimes I'm far too emotional. When you're able to talk, you can ask my friends about how much I cry. There are far too many stories about me crying at the end of movies. Yes, it's true, the sad part is that some of those "tear-jerkers" star Jim Carrey or Elijah Wood. And son, if Sally Field is on the television screen, just go and get me box of tissues. I'll be no good. Sally gets me every time.

Tonight I cried just thinking about you. I've got a lot of thoughts running through my brain right now. While I'm honored and excited to get to be your father, I'm also scared to death. I keep thinking to myself, "How in the world am I good enough to raise another human being--I still hate taking the garbage out? And once in a great while, I forget to put on deodorant. How am I good enough to raise a kid?"

Eh, the truth is, Elias, I'm not good enough. As much as you might think you've hit the jackpot in fathers, that's not true. For one thing, I don't know how to throw a baseball, football, or even a Frisbee. The Frisbees I throw start out looking pretty good, but they end up rolling on the ground like a spare tire, which makes them pretty much impossible to catch. So if you choose to be athletic--not that good Frisbee throwing makes you athletic--you're on your own, son. Oh, I'll come to every one of your games or Frisbee-throwing contests and cheer louder than any parent there, just don't expect me to coach you or be able to give pointers on how to get better. That would be an embarrassment for both of us. But I promise I'll do my best to be your biggest fan. I'll make signs and everything! I'm a good sign maker. And your mom scrapbooks, so the signs might even be pretty.

Uh, son, there's more. I'm also very dramatic sometimes. I guess that's why God let me become a writer, because I'm really good at taking small hills and turning them into The Alps. Sadly, I can jump to a conclusion--and even respond with a smart-ass comment--quicker than anybody I know (for the record, I won't be using the word "smartass" around you until you're a little older. But your mother might. Between you and me, she's got a little bit of a mouth on her. At times, I think her potty mouth is kind of hot. But that's probably too much information. I'll explain that when you're five, maybe six.) Anyway, there will be times when I respond too quickly and I'll end up texting you a mean comment that I should never have typed out on my phone. So don't be afraid to call me out on it. I'm not a big fan of guilt, but gosh, sometimes it really does work on me.

Elias, I promise I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but I'm also not a very good example sometimes. I make mistakes. I fall down, and sometimes I struggle to get back up again. I get depressed sometimes. And I also have a mild case of anxiety from time to time. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "How in the world did I score this winner?"

It's true; I'm horrible at sports or anything that requires any athletic ability whatsoever (except volleyball--I'm actually pretty good at volleyball. Did I just write that?) And I am dramatic. And I flub up from time to time.

But Elias, even though I'm scared, I can't wait to show you around this world. There's so much to see and hear and feel and do! So many colors to tell you about. So many shapes to explain. And cultures to introduce you to. There's trees that you can climb. Oceans you can swim in. Concerts you can go to! And beer you can drink (when you're twenty-one, son--unless your mother let's us move to Europe someday--then 16!!!) And there's Star Wars, son! STAR. WARS. Wait until I tell you about "the force"--you'll love it. Seriously, I think you will. And even if you don't, I'll still enjoy telling you all about it.

You'll soon learn that this world has some scary stuff in it, too. Sometimes you might want to hide or run or give up. That's happened to me before, too. And I'll admit; it's a temptation of mine to shelter you from the scary stuff. But I'm gonna do my best not to do that. Why? Because I don't want you to fear. I don't want to use fear as a tactic to manipulate you or keep you from becoming what God has planned for you. We're gonna focus on hope, Elias! Not fear. There's always hope, son! Always.

You'll be here soon. In fact, you're due in thirty-two days. I could sit here and write forever about how excited I am to meet you. But I'll stop. My blog readers can only take so much "cheesy uncool posts" from me. But know this: I love you and I can't wait to hold you and kiss you and take you places. Like the Cheesecake Factory! Mmm. You'll love it. You also might like the park too.

As you'll learn, I won't be a perfect dad, and you probably won't be a perfect son (even if you do get your mother's brain, as she's been praying will happen--you won't be perfect), but no matter what happens--in good and bad--you and I will always do our best to hope and not fear.

See you soon, buddy.

(One more thing: Can you please stop kicking your mother's pancreas? I'm tired of hearing her complain about it.)

Love,

Dad

flag day...

Found this on Shaun Grove's blog.

an inspiring conversation between matt lauer and luke russert (tim's son)

Rest in peace, Tim.

'not as we'

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand
Feign brave with steel intent
little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
with not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I pray he wants to lose

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we

sit on jesus

My friend Matt Wilson sent me this picture.

Jesus' feet look like real feet. Crazy. And it looks like he's grabbing the knee of the second-Jesus or perhaps Abraham chair sitting next to him.

Jesus is very friendly.

i could never be a model

My friend Lee Steffen is photographer/designer here in Nashville. You should look at his website. He's traveled all over the world as well as shot many artists in the Christian music industry.

Well, I've never been comfortable taking pictures, but I needed new photos for the TCU Tour and also for churched. So on Tuesday, Lee took like 260 pictures.

These are the two we're using for the tour. I haven't decided what I'm using for the book yet.

quote

"If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.

If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.

If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.

If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.

All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not.

May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.

May you find perfection, and know it by name."

--Christopher Moore in Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

my friend jason boyett on the history channel!

My friend and fellow author Jason Boyett is a biblical expert! And he recently appeared on the History Channel's "Decoding the Past." He blogged about it this morning.

And there's a YouTube video of it!

Check it out.

do people still say crunk?

I haven't heard anybody say "crunk" in a very long time. But I bet they will be saying it a lot this weekend at the CRUNK-4-CHRIST event. Maybe I'm wrong, but I always thought crunk meant "getting high" or "partying" or "worldly intoxication," which would certainly make this one Christian convention worth attending possibly. But for some reason I don't think that's what this get-together is about.

And I gotta say, doesn't the use of the number 4 make this event SO MUCH COOLER?

So crunk. Wow. There's gonna be hip-hop. Rock! And CHOIRS!!!!

Sign me up. I want to get crunk.

we were so happy!

favor

Dear Friends,

This is a needy post, so please, forgive me in advance...

First of all, I'm so appreciative of each and every one of you who faithfully read my blog each week. It's truly delightful of you to keep returning again and again just to read my crazy thoughts and opinions about whatever it is that's on my mind...

Anyway, here's the "needy" part. In preparation for the release of Churched: One Kid's Journey Toward God Despite A Holy Mess, I'm wanting to boost my blog subscriptions. And so, I was wondering if you might help me get the word out (this is, if you like my blog) by telling all of your friends (MySpace and Facebook count), family (Grandma counts), co-workers (maybe the janitor?), heathens (your alter-ego perhaps?), wildebeests (too late for this one though) , and/or politicians (anybody know Barack?) about my blog and ask them to subscribe.

Just get them to either sign up via email or by adding the RSS feed to their favorite "blog reader."

I know this is a lot to ask. But I really would appreciate it.

OK, I'm done being needy. Well, for now.

Thanks.

(I just included the picture of me sitting on the cement eagle to remind you that I was once a cute innocent little boy. Yeah. Cute, huh? Go ahead, you can say it.)

books i'm reading now

These are a few of the books that I'm working through...

The third--the one with the awful glare--is a Christian satire called The Almost True Story of Ryan Fisher. And so far, it's great! I'll actually be interview the author Rob Stennett for my blog in the very new future. So watch this "book trailer" and then submit a question for Rob (he's a very talented creative guy whom I'm excited to get to know... )

Here's the video...

noise

This morning Pete continued his sermon series about "being in sync" with God. His focus was noise and hurry.

Lately I've realized how addicted to "noise" I am. I love noise! Oh, I LOVE it. Here's why...

• Noise drowns out the silence around me (I'm a writer and I spend a lot of time alone.)
  
• Noise distracts me (TV, music, blogs, DVDs, etc)
  
• Noise makes me feel connected to my friends, my family, my culture, etc. (cell phones, facebook, text messaging)
  
• Noise makes me feel "in the know" or "cool" (DrudgeReport.com, PerezHilton.com,)
  
• Noise helps me forget I'm lonely sometimes. (So I email, make phone calls, or instant message)
  
• Noise keeps me from dealing with my own issues or aids in allowing those issues to control me or overwhelm me.
  
• Noise keeps me from hearing God
• Noise defines my identity in many ways...
  

Then there's the noise I create! Ugh. That makes me sick to my stomach to think about. I'm addicted to noise, hearing it, needing it, creating it... and it's making it hard for me to connect with Jesus.

Anybody else have a noise a addiction?

father dan!

Last weekend my friend Daniel Schuster became an ordained priest. Jessica and I are so proud of him. I met Daniel through Jessica (they went to middle school together), and I actually interviewed him for my book What You Didn't Learn From Your Parents About Sex (buy it cheap on Amazon!).

But congrats Dan! Peace and blessings to you in your ministry.

this is my story! this is my thong!

help my blogging friend win!

Please help my friend Tamara (check out her site AFTER you vote for her photo). So be nice and help her win the photo contest by clicking HERE .

And then vote for her adorable photo! It's entitled: "changing more than diapers."

So, please go help her win the "5 Minutes For Moms" photo contest!

so i put "jesus hates" in google image search...

Sometimes I like putting random words into Google Image and see what pictures, images, and icons come up. Now this can be a dangerous pastime. So please, if you decide to try this at home (and I know some of you do), please be careful. There's all sorts of nakedness out there on the Internet. So be very afraid. Seriously, you should fear!

Go on.

Shake or something. Act like you're afraid. Prove to me you're a Christian. (I'm kidding.)

Anyway, when you're searching word combos, just try not to mix the wrong words.

Tonight I decided to type the words "Jesus hates" into the little Google search box to see what comes up.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Here's what I found...

(DISCLAIMER: Jesus, Jesus Needs New PR--The Blog, and Matthew Paul Turner do not endorse the following messages. We just report them.)

You can pretty much get "Jesus Hates the Yankees" on anything you want. Poor Yanks.


Kung Fu Jesus looks like the lead singer of White Zombie. Wow, I'm old. I just totally made reference to White Zombie. Hmm.


Aw, a stained-glass picture of Jesus playing the guitar. He looks so natural. So David Crowder.


Wishful thinking? You know, he did say render... I don't know about you, but I enjoy rendering once in a while. Oh, I'm serious. I love to render. I'd render all day long if I could. I highly recommend rendering unto a good friend or at least somebody you like; it makes it a lot better.


This is one of my favorites: Jesus sitting on a dinosaur! OK, I think you guys should help come up with captions for this!


I have no idea why this image came up under "Jesus Hates," but I'm so glad it did. No, seriously, I so want a book called JESUS IN A NUTSHELL! How cute would Jesus be if he was in a nutshell? Think about it. He'd be cute and you know it.


Jesus ashtrays. I want one.


No comment. I don't want all you Anonymous freaks commenting me to hell. Just kidding. You know I love ya. Well, some of ya.


I knew fat women who did these exercise tapes. They didn't work.

THIS NEXT ONE IS PG-13! Now, would be a good time to run away like scared bunnies. Run. No, really, run.





This one is pretty!





You don't get any better than white-redneck-youth-pastor Jesus, huh?


I have no idea what this one means, but it is so funny.


Is this a condom? Or just a gold ring around a plush Jesus? Or is it a condom with a picture of a plush Jesus?


OK. I'm done. I hope you will still come back sometime...

hell's most wanted...

I received this from my friends at Prayers For Blowouts.

Hmm. Well, according to this, I'm on the most-wanted list. For several reasons. I'll keep my list personal.

*Sigh*

to my friends in the media...

This post is to anybody who is in the media...

I'll be receiving my "Advanced Reading Copies" of Churched next week, if you would like to receive a copy, send me an email with your name and address...

OR if you know of somebody who might make a good "endorsement," let me know that too!

Am so excited.

My email is MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com

simple things i love... (a dumb post)

1) Buying a new tooth brush. I know, dumb, huh? But it's true. I love how a brand new tooth brush feels against my teeth. I love how space-aged toothbrushes look these days. And I love that they still come with instructions! Quite honestly, I sort of like shopping for toiletries in general. Which means I LOVE Wal-Greens. Love it.

2) Pudding snacks. Mmm. So good. So fat free. So easy to open, eat, and digest.

3) Zantac. The stuff works. That little man in the commercial is so right--just one reddish pill relieves and prevents acid indigestion!

4) Flip-flops! I hate wearing shoes and socks. Despite my feet being pretty ugly, I don't care if anybody sees them, judges them, or even attempts to pass legislation against them. I don't care. That's why I love flip-flops, because I can be comfortable without the consequences. I wear them pretty much nine months out of the year. I LOVE them that much. Sure, my feet get cold, but they don't feel constrained.

5) Bees. Yes, I love bees. For obvious reasons--the honey, pollinating, etc. But my father had three hives of bees when I was a kid, and for that reason, I learned a lot about them. Sometimes I would sit sixty or seventy feet away from the hives and watch the bees work. Well, I watched the female bees work. The boy bees were lazy and only good for impregnating the QUEEN bee.
And when food was low, they were the first to go... poor guys.

Yeah, I know this is a dumb post, but I was in a hurry this morning!

But while we're talking about it, what are some "simple things" that you love?

mpt

do you think jesus likes this kind of music?

If I were Jesus, I wouldn't. I'd be tempted to try an heal the man. Give him a new haircut. Call Jenny Craig on his behalf. And then I might scold him for bending the Bible like he does. Who does he think he is? Bella Karoli?

But what do you think? Is Jesus REALLY praised by this?

books you should buy:

A Christianity Worth Believing

Brian McLaren says this about the book: "Envisioning and articulating fresh ways of holding and living Christian faith, [Doug] Pagitt's book reads like an old-fashioned testimony, but it opens up important new possibilities and serves as a window into the soul of a new generation of Christians."

Lauren Winner says this about it: "If you are drawn to the mystifying, loving God whom we meet in Jesus Christ, but put off by 'Christianity,' this contrarian, wise, winsome, passionate book is a must-read."

HERE'S WHAT'S ON THE BACK-COVER:

A Christianity Worth Believing offers an engaging, 'come-with-me-on-a-journey-of-exploring-the-possibilities' approach to what it means to be a follower of Jesus in our day. Written by Doug Pagitt—a leading voice in the Emergent conversation—this beautifully written book weaves together theological reflections, Christian history, and his own story of faith transformation.

Pagitt invites readers to follow him as he tells the story of his un-churched childhood, his life-altering conversion at age 16, his intense involvement in the church, and his growing sense of unease with the version of Christianity he was living. On page after page, Pagitt lays out his journey toward an authentic, passionate expression of a faith that feels alive, sustainable, and meaningful.

A Christianity Worth Believing is for the growing numbers of people who have serious and thoughtful questions about Christianity, who have lived for years with deep-seated wondering and doubts about their faith. Pagitt points the way to a new kind of faith by asking the "off-limits" questions about God, Jesus, sin, the Bible, humanity, church, and the Kingdom of God. Rather than rehashing old debates, he offers new insights, provocative possibilities, and hopeful alternatives.

In A Christianity Worth Believing you may well discover questions you didn't think you could ask, ideas you didn't think you could pursue, beliefs you didn't think you could hold onto. Ultimately you will discover a Christianity worth believing.

To read an excerpt, go here.

I'll be interviewing Doug for my blog, so if you have any questions for him... email me at MatthewPaulTurner@gmail.com

news conference presented by hologram...

Madonna has used it on the Grammy Awards. Celine and Elvis used it last year on American Idol. Well, now the technology used to create LIVE holograms will be available to anybody who can afford it.

Is this the future for churches? Watch the video! Crazy.

Though cool, it's still a little creepy to me.

Question: How soon will a fundamentalist create a hologram of Jesus and then use it to convert Muslims, Jews, and even New Yorkers?

my month of may...

I'm happy to see May come to an end. For a lot of reasons, May 2008 was not a good month for me. I made a lot of mistakes. I was depressed. I got hurt a good bit. I was humbled on more than a couple of occasions. I was very busy. I lost a few things that meant a good deal to me. I discovered stuff about myself that I'm not very fond of. I disappointed a number of people.

Yep, May was pretty blah. However, amongst the pain and frustrations, I did encounter glimmers of hope. People who God has put on my path who showed me a kind of light and grace that I have rarely experienced in tangible form. I am so thankful to the following people for helping me on my journey through my month of May.

My wife showed me patience and grace that I still don't understand.

Pete listened to my story without judgment. He didn't give me an action plan, just offered his shoulder.

My friend Matt proved to me that there are some very gracious and caring Baptists in this world.

Even amidst her own pain, Angie prayed for me.

Jennifer gave me permission to be angry.

Adam was just there. Online. Over g-chat. But nonetheless, there.

And Stephen had coffee with me, just to get me out of the house.

Oh, May still sucked. Big time. But it was made a little easier and I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin because of those people. Thank you.

I believe June will be a little better. If only for the following very shallow reasons...

1) A new David Sedaris book comes out on Tuesday: When You Are Engulfed In Flames

2) Alanis releases Flavors of Entanglement.

3) One word. Or actually two words that have been put together to create one word: Coldplay. The band of Brits has a new album coming out in a couple weeks. I can't wait.

Here's to a healthier June...