
Remember Avalon? Well, Christian music's famed boy/girl/boy/girl band is back with a vengeance! OK, so vengeance is a little strong... it's more like a tinkling cymbal.
This new record is the group's
second Greatest Hits album!
Its first Greatest Hits album was released in 2003. Now, you're probably thinking, "Uh, has Avalon had any new hits since 2003?!?"
Nah, not really.
But in Christian Music that doesn't matter! You don't have to have any new hits to make a second Greatest Hits album. You just have to have a record label that is trying to get you off its label! Yep, it's that easy. Just in case you ever become a Christian music artist that is stuck in a record contract that says you need to make three more albums before your deal is up. Don't worry!!! Here's what you have to do. It's EASY!
First, record a holiday record!
Second, release a hymns record or re-record old praise and worship songs!
Thirdly, release a greatest hits album! And BAM!--YOU'RE DONE!
Sadly, that happens all the time.
Anyway, in honor of Avalon's SECOND Greatest Hits album, I thought I would offer some advice on how you too can have your very own successful Christian music group! Yep, JUST LIKE AVALON!
1)
Buy a couch. But not just any couch. You gotta purchase a sexy uncomfortable one from IKEA. This will ensure that you have something to sit on when you take photos for your album covers. You think I'm kidding... Think about how many Christian music covers include couches. So, get a couch.
2)
Practice sitting on your couch. You must look cool and natural--like the four or five of you enjoy sitting on that couch all the time! And remember, it's very important that each individual in your group has his or her own "cutesy pose." (See second female in picture above as a FANTASTIC example!) And even more important: No lounging, touching (unless two of you are married), or laying!
3)
Invest in the latest version of Photoshop. This is especially important if you're over the age of 24! In order to have a successful Christian music group, it's imperative that you look 16. Even if you're 45. Seriously, ask Toby; he'll tell you--PHOTOSHOP is your closest friend! Not closer than Jesus, but that could become a struggle.
4)
Have short, punchy first names. Like Jana, Jill, or Nicci if you're a girl. And Josiah, Greg, or Chad if you're a boy!
That's it--you're ready to have you're very own Christian music singing group!
PS: Is it just me or does the 2nd dude's arm (the one that's resting behind the blonde girl) look as though it doesn't belong to him?